Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
