Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she told me i tasted like america
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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