Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
