k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
