her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
