i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
