Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
