toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
another moral hangover. fuck.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize