i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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