ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
