he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
