I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
