if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
