dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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