You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
