ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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