I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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