I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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