DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
