Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
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I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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