Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
