This is not my ceiling
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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