Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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