it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
