I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Sext me about skeletons
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
