Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize