You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
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He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
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Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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