All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
