overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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