i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
