I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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