420 ftw
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
