Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
