well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
