She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
