i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
