you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
