They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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