my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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