Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
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you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
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I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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