Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
