watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
