as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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