I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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