Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
