She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
