i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
