she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
