Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
