you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It was confusing and full of hummus
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize