I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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