forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
