Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
# Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is