eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie