??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
