Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago