Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.