great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
