i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
