I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
