What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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