I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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