I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
