I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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