She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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