Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
