he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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