i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dicks are not precious.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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